Can Neurocardiogenic Syncope Be Cured?

by AHB on January 2

in basics,mindset

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A couple days ago in an email, an acquaintance shared this with me, “I wish 20– could mean a complete miracle for you”.

What surprised me about this kindly meant remark is that it made me livid! Looking at my rage I realized my angry outburst was prompted, in part, because I don’t want to be condemned back to the mentality of seeking for a cure. It’s too, too exhausting.

When I was diagnosed with NCS at fourteen years old, after two years of syncope, my cardiologist, bless his heart, assured me that I would grow out of the condition. I wish, so fervently, that he had never told me that. My whole being focused on this mystical day when at last I would be cured by “outgrowing the condition”. I made all sorts of life plans that hinged on that magical day when my problems, like so many night terrors, would be outgrown. As year after year went by without realizing that blessed day bitterness crept closer to consuming me.

I no longer look for a cure. I wanted to live a life outside that bitterness. Outside of seeking for a cure. Now, I manage my condition. Management is so much easier on my emotions -and life- than finding a cure. I can stick with a treatment that works well enough instead of trying to find a new one. I can recognize a bad day as a singular event, or maybe even as a clustered event, but it isn’t a life-sentence. I can calm myself with the knowledge that I have had good days before and will have them again. Choosing to manage my condition opened up huge swaths of time and energy in my life. It gave my life room for more than just my condition. More than just the hunt to feel well.

I honestly do not know if NCS can be predictably cured. Absolutely there are people who respond well to drugs. For others a pacemaker works. There even exist individuals who actually outgrow the condition. What’s difficult is the predictability of which camp you will be in. Will you be one of the cured? Or will you be managing your condition? If, like me, you’re in the managing camp my advice is to find a way to grieve the loss of “what could have been”, and then, stop stalking the camps of the cured. That way lies bitterness.

I hope for you what I hope for myself: that a miracle can come that we didn’t have to go looking for. Until then, we’ll manage. We’ll even manage to feel well.

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